A Spark of Life

A Spark of Life
Inside Sequoia Girl


Welcome to A Spark Of Life Transformations. I've created this blog to share some of the spiritual insights and effective methods for purposeful transformation that I've gleaned over the years. Also included are some bits and pieces of my own experiences and musings. I want to know about your experiences as well. What worked for you -- and what didn't. Ask a question. Make a statement. Share your heart. I only ask that you be respectful in your posts. I can't wait to get started!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Dip Into The Akashic Receords

I have been fascinated with the Akashic records for quite some time, but only have a cursory knowledge of what they are, so when one of my Soul Coaching ® acquaintances recommended Juliette Looye for a reading, I went to her website to check it out.  Check out Julie’s website for more information on what she does and the Akashic records.

As I read about the Akashic Records and what Julie does during a reading, I felt quite drawn to get a reading from her and promptly called her to make an appointment. I was quite pleased that she managed to get me in the next day and, as suggested, I  wrote down a list of questions I wanted more information about: What is this low-level anxiety I often experience all about? Why has this dream I've had for a Healing Center for Healers for over 25 years not come any closer to fruition? I want to take more courses in the Healing Arts and have several that are calling to me, which ones should I consider? Then, a few minutes before I called her, I sat down and asked to have my heart and spirit be open to receive a reading for my highest potential. I asked that my guides and angels be made available to Julie for a clear reading. I took a deep breath and made the call.

Julie explained she would open the reading with a prayer and then I was to read her the list of questions I had written down. The Masters, Teachers, Guides and Loved Ones would then guide her to answer certain questions first, she explained. After the prayer there was a moment of silence while she made contact with my Masters, Teachers, Guides and Loved Ones. As soon as she began praying, I felt this rush of energy up my spine and my head tilted to the right. I was not concerned about this as this often happens when I am receiving spiritual information or during a healing, but I was soon to find out it had a much deeper meaning.

She began by telling me she just had a curious reaction during her prayer that had never happened to her before and described that her head tilted to the right and when she asked about this, she was told that this indicated that I always had my ear turned toward heaven to hear messages from God and that she would learn more about it during the reading. When I told her I had experienced the same thing, she was amazed.

Soon she uncovered a past life where I had been thrown into a ditch, landed on my side with my left ear turned up toward heaven. I had broken or dislocated my right shoulder and could not get out and was covered with dirt and left to die. I did not die quickly in this ditch and of course, it stank there and, I at first panicked and went out of my mind, but, I eventually began to make peace with where I was and the elementals that came to visit me while I was in the ground. (Is this why I am so connected to the earth now? I’m a landscaper – hello!)
As the reading continued, it was revealed that I was a king and not a very nice one. I was neither benevolent nor kind to my people and was, in fact, very detached and indifferent and I treated them like vermin. (Like ants under my boot, was how Julie described it.) There was an incident where the water supply was contaminated in my kingdom and, although I was repeatedly called upon to fix the situation, I did nothing to correct it and consequently many people died. My response was to tell them to dig ditches to dump the dead in them. One day I was out and about and verbalizing my disdain over the people, their complaints and their mess created by the dead bodies when a few who overheard my complaints attacked me and threw me into one of my own ditches filled with dead bodies and covered me with dirt.

You can imagine the stench and the panic I felt as I laid there, angry at my situation and the cruelty of the people who had done this to me! After the panic and going literally "out of my mind", I grew to regret the cold indifference and cruelty that I had shown my people, and I began to accept where I was, the earth and all phases of life and death. It was a very comfortable peaceful place for me. The elementals and angels became my friends as my spirit left my body and I began to decompose.

Why has this impacted me so much now? For one thing, I am to learn in this life to accept ALL people regardless of their path, stage of growth and station in life. That includes myself. I was shown that I have a great love for the earth and nature in this lifetime, but not so much for humankind. (So true!) I am intolerant of people who show cruelty and disregard for the earth and nature. I do not suffer fools gladly and find myself frequently angry over the disrespect and cruelty shown to the earth, animals and children. And, I have still not forgiven myself in this life for the cruelty and insensitivity I displayed while a king in that life. (Anyone wondering why I have attracted cruel, insensitive people that think first of themselves in this lifetime??) But, as Julie gently reminded me, everyone is on a path that is taking them one step closer to reuniting with God.

As for the dreams of doing great things in my life during this lifetime: (i.e.: Having a large retreat center, speaking in front of large audiences and becoming a well-known author.) They are not so much my dreams and goals in this life as the memories from my past life when I did great things and held great power. To uncover this was so freeing. I stopped feeling so much guilt for not having accomplished these things in this life. It’s not that I cannot do them – and, I certainly may sometime in the future, I just felt so released to do and be exactly who I am, even if that is just keeping a garden.

As I continue to review this experience, I find more and more connections to why I respond to certain situations and people in this life and am reminded to continually forgive, forgive, forgive -- myself as well as those I have judged.

What has your experience with the Akashic Records been like? What have you learned or would like to learn?

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Okay, I broke down and did it: I subscribed to an online dating service. Eek! I mean, I paid real money, not just the free subscription, you know, the ones where you can't see any photos or communicate with any of the inmates, er, members. I have done this under much internal resistance. "I don't need a relationship right now. I'm very, very busy." was what I told myself. "I have a full life. I have my business(es). I don't mind spending time alone." All true statements, but, I realized a while ago, that I had closed the door on new beginnings in relationships. Not only closed the door, slammed it, and nailed that sucker shut. Then bolted it.

If I dared to look through the peep hole in that heavily barricaded door, I would have to admit that there is still a part of me that wants romance and companionship and yes, passion. Not to mention support and someone to talk late into the night with and share some laughs.

So, I chose a online dating service that required a more in-depth analysis as I wasn't interested in having to screen through a bunch of Klingons: Please, pick me! I have so much love to give!!!!" aka: Mr. Emotional Black Hole or "Hi! Please send a full-length photo of yourself in your bathing suit, or less.  (wink, wink) When can we hook up?" blech.

The truth is, I'm terrified of "getting out there" again. I'm fifty-four years old and have not become so spiritually evolved that I totally love the extra forty pounds I gained going through mental-pause. MOst of the time when I look in the mirror, I think, "Who is that?!?"  In my mind, I still feel like I'm in my thirties. One of the reasons I appreciated Brad was because he accepted me for who I was, and was still turned on by me, even after I gained the weight.

Then there's the fact that I'm more settled into who I am and less willing to morph into what someone else wants from me. I mean, that was one of the main tricks in my bag! I was an expert at intuiting what someone wanted or needed and devoting large chunks of time to fulfilling it. Now what?

In spite of all this, I subscribed. I won't have to ever date or even speak to anyone, if I choose, and it will be a good exercise in opening my heart to possibilities, I reasoned. And, I can do it all from the safety of my living room.

So, I took the time to fill all of the questions out truthfully. After all, I didn't want to give and false hopes. I love to cook and hike and my family is very important to me. and I have only recently decided to consider being in a relationship again, so I tend to be cautious in my communications. I may elect to communicate via email initially before I venture further. and, under Something else you should know about me: I'm sparkely.  I included several pictures of myself from different angles plus a few of some activities I enjoy. Then, with a big sigh, I clicked the SUBSCRIBE button.

The next day I was surprised to find a dozen or so potential "matches". As I clicked on each profile I experienced a mixture of interest and dismay. Some of these guys looked really old! I mean, they were within the age range I had checked, but really, was I just delusional about the men my age? To be fair, some of them didn't look like they were already "circling the drain". Although none of them really struck a deep chord, a few looked interesting enough to want to know more. One guy lived fairly close by and, judging by some of his photos, seemed like he might be fun. He had a "cheddar head" picture, was originally from Wisconsin, something we both had in common.  There were a few others I thought might bear more research, so, I clicked on a preselected set of questions and awaited their answers.

Soon I received some questions from other members as well, and I clicked on their profiles to learn more. Ack! Too old. Too sad. Too needy. I left their questions unanswered and ventured back to the COMMUNICATING tab to see if my requested questions from Bruce, formerly from Wisconsin had been answered. Nothing. Upong further exploration, I discovered that, with a click of a button, you could cease communication with another member with out having to go through all that direct messy, "I don't think we're right for each other" crap. I clicked on his mailbox and found this disheartening reply:

bruce chose to close communication with you on October 16, 2010, 02:00PM PDT.

Finding the right person always comes with some degree of trial and error. Move forward and remain focused on the matches that interest you.

To move bruce to your Closed folder, please close him.

Really? I was rejected by a man wearing a huge wedge of cheese on his head?! Hey, I said I was Sparkely! Closed, it is. click. This dating business is not for the faint of heart, I realized anew. No wonder I had avoided it for so long. After licking my wounds for a few hours, I decided, once again, that I needed nothing from these emotionally dismembered "members". I had a perfectly fulfilling life and I went off to furiously clean my kitchen.

Each day a few more "matches" find their way into my mailbox. I click on their profiles and check them out. I noticed, that, while I want to think of myself as "spiritually evolved" appreance is important to me. I mean, he doesn't have to be an Adonis (although I wouldn't turn one down), but he needs to have a twinkle in his eyes and be reasonably fit.

What I've found more telling is the reasons listed under The most important thing I am looking for in a person is: 

The number one thing men seem to be looking for is: Honesty. Along with Integrity and Fidelity. Have so many men been betrayed by sneaky, conniving, cheating bitches? Are we women really so deceptive? I have to admit, they are some of the same things I am looking for in a mate. And it is precisely due to my past history in relationships. What if I had the ovaries to simply state: "I really want someone who can be themselves."?

I have a great long list of attributes that I have posted on one of my vision boards. Ond of the things I advise those I work with who are looking for a prospective mate is, after you have made your list, make another with the attributes of the type of person who would attract such a mate. And, then another list that honestly assesses which of those attributes you already possess and what areas you need to work on.

So, here's what I need to work on:

I still need to be willing to open my heart for another. To make a place to welcome them in and to extend and receive love to another. I closed my heart to this years ago and have barricaded the door so rigorously that my chest and shoulders ache from self-protection.

Part of my weight gain has also been from a need for self-protection. Not wanting others to get too close. To shield me from my own desirability. I don't need to access my passion I have a full life and I'm a very busy woman! I have been rebelling against more exercise and movement. I've never had to work at losing weight, being thin for most of my life and eating whatever I wanted. I'm pissed that I have to work at it now. But, I'm also sick of losing the strength and tone in my muscles and the continual ache in my left shoulder that makes my fingers tingle and my arm go numb.

Today I started yoga. I realized I did not feel comfortable or confident enough to go to a class yet, so I downloaded a video and followed along in a "beginners" yoga stretch. I could barely do half of the moves, and there was absolutely no way my body was doing a reverse table pose. But, I felt myself open just a little. I felt some of that anger and rebellion rise to the surface. "Oh sure", I thought as I watched the instructor on my computer. "You can do this because you are a skinny bitch!" Oh, the hostility! I also went out yesterday and found a set of dumbells at a garage sale. I started exercising my shoulder and neck muscles.

I decided I wanted my passion back and all the felxibilty and strength to go along with it. I might even buy a Zumba! DVD. Right now, I need to go for a long walk and transform that hostility into desire and passion. I need to go be with my friends, The Trees.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Thank You, Dear Friend

Yesterday I said good bye to a dear friend and former lover. Brad and I have known each other for ten years and have experienced many adventures and misadventures, both internal and external. Brad recently took a job in South Florida and left yesterday to begin a new chapter in his life. He has helped me grow and change in so many ways -- sometimes willingly, at times, kicking and screaming the whole way. He is unbelievably intelligent, insightful and wise. We lived together for six of those ten years, but, recently I realized it was time for us to both move on to new experiences and relationships.

Although we have been living apart for the past six months, I still relied upon his support and companionship. While his departure has left me more than a bit lonely, I know he will be an asset to his new employers and to the future mate I know he so richly deserves. He has a delightfully wicked sense of humor and a smile that makes you want to know him more. He rarely gives up once he has committed himself and has a deep love and respct of nature and all living things.

I wish him all the best. Here's to you, Brad.

With Deep and Abiding Love and Friendship,


Saturday, September 25, 2010

I met a Mad Housewife and now I need a new phone.

OK, first of all, let me say I am not a techno-phobe. While I don't run out and buy the latest gadgets, I do appreciate some of the little gizmos that make our lives a little easier. While I'm not that fond of my friend Brad's GPS and the woman's voice with the calm british accent telling me to, "Turn, right! Turn right!" (I call her The Direction Bitch.), I do enjoy my laptop. After all, it's what's allowing me to be writing this blog right now.

So, back to my phone. I have an electric blue four year old Sanyo VI2300. I got it free when I signed a new contract with Sprint POS, I mean, PCS. It's not a fancy phone, by any means, but it has served me well and, in spite of leaving it outside in the rain a couple of times and dropping it on concrete more times than I'd care to count, it has proven to be quite durable. I still have the original battery and, although it doesn't keep a charge as long as it used to, it's still quite serviceable.

Even though I have thought about getting a fancy new phone that has more functions than my laptop, I have stubbornly resisted since my current phone still works. I mean, do I need a phone that I can draw tarot cards on, really? I don't even text all that much. And besides, I don't like contributing to unnecessary landfill waste.

Now, about that Mad Housewife. So, a few weekends ago I went to a sleepover with a few women friends. I brought along bottle of Mad Housewife merlot wine. (I mean, how can you not buy a bottle of wine to drink with your girlfriends with a label like that?) We had a fabulous time, shared a lot of laughs and drank some delicious wines and had a fabulous dinner, plus I met a great new friend. (Hey Katy!)

After a lovely breakfast cooked by the hostess, I packed to go home and Terri insisted that I bring the remnants of the very drinkable Mad Housewife merlot home with me. After saying my goodbyes, I drove home and decided to take a nice long detox bath, a wonderful treat after a night of indulgence. If you've never had one of these, you must give it a try. It works wonders for clearing out toxins from over-indulgence and/or residual energies from emotional disturbances.

Here's the recipe:

In a tubful of whatever temperature of water that feels right for the situation add:

1 lb. baking soda
1 lb. epsom salts
1 lb. sea salt

Stir until dissolved and get in and soak for at least 20 minutes. Perfect time to read a chapter in your favorite book or pamper yourself with a facial. Add a handful of herbs or a few dashes of your favorite essential oils, if you like.

So, anyway. I decide to take one of these fabulous baths, right? I get the water running, shed my clothes and I'm anxious to slide into the water and soak when I realize I am out of sea salt in my upstairs bathroom. I dash downstairs with the water still running and reach for the sea salt from the cabinet. On the way out, the end of the sea salt bag catches the top of the Mad Housewife that was sitting on my kitchen counter. I am standing there in the buff, listening to my bath water run upstairs while watching this all happen in slo-mo. The bottle of merlot does a complete 360 and lands with an explosive blast on my beautiful, but unforgiving tile floor. I mean, it literally explodes. There is glass everywhere and dark purple droplets of wine cover the the floor, the face of my cabinets -- and my naked body.

I sputter as I look around at the tile floor littered with shards of dark green glass. Suddenly, the running bath registers again and I make an executive decision: I grab an old towel that lies nearby and throw it onto the widening puddle of wine at my feet. I am so not dealing with this now, I think and carefully back out of the room.

I dash back upstairs and thankfully realize the tub is not over-flowing, throw in the sea salt and sink in to relax. I feel a sting in my big toe and realize I have suffered a tiny cut from the broken glass. Not to worry, the soak will do it good.

After my lovely bath,  I return to my kitchen and assess the damage. Wine is beginning to dry on my cabinets and the stained label with Mrs. Mad Housewife stares back at me from the floor. I get the broom and a bucket filled with soapy water and begin to clean up. When I say there is literally glass on every square in of my kitchen floor, I do not exaggerate. After sweeping and then mopping the floor several times to get the last of the wine up. (It thankfully doesn't stain the tile.) I set the bucket at the end of my couch in the living room and wait for the floor to dry. 

While I'm waiting for the floor to dry I sit down on the couch to relax and check my email. As I bounce onto the couch cushion, out of the corner of my eye, I see something fly off the end of the couch and hear a muted 'ka-thunk'. I look over at the floor, but I see nothing so I continue with checking my email and then, sleepy from the bath, I lay down for a quick power nap.

After my nap I wander to the kitchen and check out the floor, which seems clean, but my foot finds another tiny shard of glass and I limp back to the couch to examine the cut. I see a little blood, but can find no evidence of glass, but it's hard to see, even with my glasses. By now it's quit bleeding so I get up to empty out the mop water and notice, curiously, that there is a little black cord running into the bucket. Shit!

I yank the cord out of the water and unplug it from the wall when I realize it is the wall charger to my ancient cell phone. The end of it is hot and a bit of the sponge from the mop head has welded itself into the plug. Shit! I don't want to have to buy another wall charger, which will probably cost more than the phone is worth. I just wanted to limp along with my cell until it died and I had to buy a new one. But, even after I dry it out and clean out the little plug, I realize it's fried. Big sigh.

Just as I'm ready to make a trip to the Sprint store, Brad stops by and offers a converter so I can use the car charger as a wall charger. My day brightens. I can put off for another day that difficult long-term commitment with the phone company and agonizing over choices of multi-dimensional phones, all with the latest "apps". I sure could use that last glass of Mad Housewife merlot about now...

Saturday, July 3, 2010

A Decadent Experiment

I have a confession to make. I did something this week that I would never have thought I'd do on a million years: I made love to money -- and I liked it. I know, I know! It seems to decidedly un-spiritual and is so unlike me. Or so I thought. 

First, a bit of my background concerning money: I come from very simple beginnings. My family was quite poor for all of my childhood. I was conceived into an atmosphere of the fear of never having enough. My mother had five children, close together and my father's employment history was spotty. So mom was overwhelmed a lot and worried about her survival -- something she also grew up with, and, my father, while a hard worker, had an attitude of doing enough to just get by. He was not driven or ambitious. He loved his family, but was just not cut from the cloth of the traditional ideas of being motivated for financial success.

Consequently, in relationships I chose men who were constantly worried about money, were overwhelmed by their financial responsibilities and usually had just enough to get by, or less. Sometimes a whole lot less than enough. So, I spent a good deal of my life anxious about not having enough money.

About fifteen years ago, I was in a very dark place both personally and financially. I fell into a deep depression that lasted for over six years. During that time I was unable to work more than a few hours here and there -- just enough to keep from being homeless.  I made a decision somewhere in the midst of all that darkness, that, though I didn't know what the future might hold, I had to do something to get out of it, even if it was wrong. So, I began the long, slow road out of depression and destitution. It was painful and embarrassing and I had to let go of my pride and, in humility, ask for help.

I slowly recovered to a point where I became more financially stable. I led a very simple life and learned to live within or below my means. I regained my credit and, for the most part, remained out of debt. I got involved with a man who was much more disciplined financially that my previous partners and he also lived within his means. After working for several years at a "regular job", I decided I'd had enough of the stress and working for someone else's dreams and started my own landscaping business. It was a huge decision for me. It had been over twenty years since I last owned a business.

Initially, the landscaping business did well, but then, due to normal seasonal fluctuations, business slowed, then stopped. Completely. I watched myself become nervous, and then anxious, and then totally immobilized by fear. But, in the midst of this anxiety, I decided to confront my fears about money and my ability to support myself. So, since I wasn't working anyway, I decided to use my time revealing and healing my issues around money and my ability to manifest. This was not an easy choice for me to make. I quickly blew through my little savings and went into credit card debit.

My significant other did not support my choice to focus on my financial healing as he was feeling the effects of my negative cash flow on his own budget. What I was doing seemed totally unreasonable to him. Friends and family thought I was floundering -- "doing nothing". But, I made a commitment to challenge these old, encrusted and debilitating beliefs. Perhaps I will go into the details of this process in another post, but for the purposes of this post, suffice it to say that it was a difficult, but rewarding process for me and I emerged more confident and better able to manifest financially.

That was over three years ago. And, while I am not wealthy by any means, I was able to pay off my debts in full and have lived a comfortable life. Recently, As many of you know, and in keeping with my life-long need to push my comfort edges and grow, I realized that, though I had made some very positive changes in my financial situation, and was happily growing spiritually, I wasn't feeling the rich fullness in my emotional and sensual life. I wasn't overflowing with joy, and, while I had my moments, I wasn't deeply depressed either. I was stuck in a state of having "just enough" in my emotional life. (I am getting to the making love to money part, I promise!)

While at Summerhill, and actually prior to my Soul Coaching training, I had begun to realize how I had put aside my personal happiness and experience of pleasure in favor of becoming more financially and emotionally independent. I was really getting more than a little tired of not feeling my passion. At Summerhill, I found a tremendous sense of peace while there and and many moments of great fun shared with my Soul Sisters, but, I had concluded -- incorrectly, that after the third major romantic relationship in my adult life had ended, happiness was a fleeting emotional state, that depended on life's circumstances and was not to be relied upon. It was what my mind had tried to convince my body of, anyway.

But, as I was awakening a richer, deeper spiritual life, filled with relationships with amazing women, my body also began to awaken. And, after such a long slumber, it wasn't exactly bounding out of bed ready to embrace the day. My body has been grudging, at best in my reawakening and downright cranky at others. Maybe I wasn't happy, but I was comfortable, my body reasoned to my mind. Just let me sleep! 

Fine, my spirit whispered, but you're the one who said you were ready for a new relationship. Do you think you're new partner will want to spend his time waiting for you to coax your body to wake up?? Aw, crap.

One day a few weeks ago, while listening to Hay House Radio, I heard Dr. Christiane Northrup talk about how we as women deny our own pleasure and satisfaction, sacrificing it on the so-called alter of serving others. During her program, she interviewed Regena Thomashauer, or Mama Gena, and she goes by. I checked out her website and the more I read, the more I was intrigued. She speaks some fabulously outrageous truths about women and our ability to change the world through experiencing and being in command of our pleasure.

Now, Mama Gena has written some fine books on women and pleasure and I ordered some of them that day. (Hey, it's research!) I was particularly interested in Mama Gena's Owner's and Operator's Guide to Men since I was preparing for my new romantic relationship. Even if you're currently in relationship, this book has some excellent ideas in taking responsibility for your own pleasure and for interacting with your partner.

On her website, one of Mama Gena's Sister Goddesses (Don't you just love that term?) Elvira was talking about her visualizations and exercise for bringing money into her life. (You can listen to it by clicking here.)  Here was the idea she and one of her Sister Goddesses concocted:  First they created a special ambiance in their bedrooms -- made it a sacred place of pleasure. Then they covered their beds in -- are you ready -- cash. And then they self-pleasured in the middle of that pile of cash. Well, it sounded so outrageous I just had to try it! I went to the bank and withdrew a thousand dollars in cash. I decided on smaller bills so it would have more volume. You'd be surprised how little space $1000.00 takes up. As I was waiting for my check to be cashed I kept my head down, silently praying they wouldn't ask me what I need it for.

Now, let me tell you, this exercise challenged all my ideas about what money is and was used for. And, it challenged my very serious image of myself as "spiritual teacher". I just could not bring myself to carry it out. What did this say about me and my ideals?  What sort of images did I carry about money? (i.e.: Money is dirty and is connected with selfishness, greed and lust.) And further, if I had such negative judgments about money, wasn't I pushing financial away by not wanting to associate myself with those negative judgements? If I developed a more friendly relationship with money, wouldn't I just be distracted by having it instead of following my spiritual path? The money sat in the bottom drawer of my desk under a stack of envelopes and mailing labels for over a week.

But, what I want to teach others, and women especially, is not only to be empowered, but how to have fun doing it. I knew that if I wanted to realize my dream of one day owning a retreat center for healers and to travel and speak around the world and assist others in their own empowerment and healing, it would take money. And, I could no longer remain in the dark about my judgments about it. So I was ready to play full out in this little experiment.

I decided to reframe my beliefs about money and make it sacred and an energy gift that would allow me to better serve myself and others. I took a shower and carefully prepared my room. I lit a candle and burned some sweet smelling incense. I had my luxurious 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets on the bed. Selecting some soft, sensual music. I pulled back the covers then took the cash out of the bank envelopes and spread them across the top of the bed and stood back to look at it.

I noticed what I was feeling. First, I was grateful to be able to have enough cash to withdraw for this exercise, and I remembered that creative energy and sexual energy are intertwined in the body. I found my body to be surprisingly responsive and in the mood of the moment. Holding out my hands, I blessed the money and all it had done and all that it would do. Then I slid into bed and laid there, noticing the coolness of the paper against my skin. I rubbed a few bills across my body and found it to be more pleasurable than I expected. I let the music wash over me and just stayed in the sensations of the moment, not judging or trying to reason what was happening.

As I continued with this delicious experiment, I remembered hearing of couples who, in creating a child, held the highest spiritual image for that child in their minds and hearts as they experienced their ecstasy. I decided to do the same, only with the image of my healing center held in my mind and my heart. As I touched myself and my sensual energy rose, I clearly visualized the beautiful land and buildings where people could come to learn and to heal -- a sacred and beautiful respite for the mind, body and soul.
Denise Linn's Summerhill Ranch is a wonderful model for the retreat center I plan to create.

It is said that we are more closely connected to the Divine during sexual ecstasy. I truly felt connected to the Divine and I recognized money as part of that Divine flow of light. Not something to be worshiped or desperately sought after, but as one ingredient in the manifestation of my dreams. I saw streams of light coming down from heaven, through my body and into the earth. Entwined in these streams of light was money. I realized it was not mine, as in ownership, but to be used by me in service to myself and others. I also learned that I had done the hard work of clearing out my fears of lack and unconsciousness attitudes and behaviors concerning money and I could be trusted to be a worthy steward of financial reward.

I felt I had so changed my ideas about money that I left the money in my bed for the rest of the week, to surround myself with it's energy and possibilities. It was, for me, a terribly decadent and thoroughly enjoyable experiment. And I can't wait to see the results! Maybe you want to conduct your own experiment. Let me know how it goes.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

An Amazing Past Life

Hello there,

Part of the certification training I received at Denise Linn's Summerhill ranch this spring was for Past Life Regressionist. I come from a fundamentalist background that had no belief in an afterlife or past lives. Basically, when you're dead, you're dead. So, I have had to break through this conditioning to accept and understand what past lives I have experienced and how they have affected me in this life.

At Summerhill we explored some of our past life experiences as we conducted regressions with each other. I had an amazing conclusion to a past life memory that had started at Denise's seminar at last November's Hay House I Can Do It conference in Tampa. I'll tell you more about that in another post. In any event, I have had a few regressions in my life and some spontaneous past life memories.

Recently, Denise Wigent, a very dear friend and fellow lightworker offered a session where she combine her talents as a reiki practitioner with chakra balancing and an archangel meditation by Doreen Virtue. Denise's sessions are always so healing and relaxing and I feel like I've had a full hour massage afterward, so of course, I said yes! 
Denise holding a gardenia from one of my gardenia bushes.

After I laid down on the table, she checked my chakras and started the Doreen Virtue Angel Therapy meditation. In this particular meditation, Doreen gently brings in the Archangels, one at a time, and asks them to conduct healings on your behalf. I found myself paying close attention to some of the archangels messages and drifting off on others. All seemed to flow perfectly as Denise lovingly gave me reiki.

However, in one particular spot in the meditation, Doreen talked about past lives and allowed time to explore a past life. The most amazing vision came to me: I saw myself as a High Priestess in a land, many centuries ago. I was standing on a stage or platform, dressed in a beautiful flowing violet-blue gown, tied at the waist with a braided gold belt and wearing a gold tiara or crown. I was looking out over the sea of my followers.

On the stage next to me were my two children from this life. They were young, about ten and twelve years old and they looked exactly as they had in this life. They were beautiful. I noticed the tremendous love that flowed between myself and my subjects. They looked to me for guidance and wisdom and I loved them deeply and offered what ever I could in return. I wish I could paint this image as it was so beautiful. My followers were dressed in the same blue-violet robes and all were happy and content. It was a very peaceful and beautiful lifetime for me.

While in this vision, I wondered if I had a husband as, after all, I had two children. Suddenly I noticed that, standing behind me were, not one, but seven men who were devoted to me, adored me and loved to serve me. Each of the seven men had particular strengths and talent in each area of one of the chakras and were dressed in the color of their particular chakra. They all smiled as I turned to look at them. It was the most amazing, beautiful experience and tears of joy came to my eyes remembering it.

What I took away from this particular past life experience, was that a big part of my strength and purpose in this life came from that past life, and that knowledge has followed me through each lifetime. I also realized that as I explore and prepare for a new romantic relationship, I am to reflect on and appreciate the strengths of each man I meet, whether they are a potential interest or not. And, more importantly, to allow men to serve me in this lifetime, rather than losing myself in serving them in order to receive security and approval.

What a truly amazing experience. Thank you so much to both of the Denises in my life!

Friday, June 25, 2010


Wednesday was my first full dance instruction. I got all dolled up -- Loki, the instructor is very handsome. :) and even bought a new pair of dancing shoes. I was a bit nervous and self-conscious as I am working on improving confidence in my body. I arrived to the dance studio, clutching my new shoes only to find the door locked and the studio dark! Okay, I thought, he's stepped out for lunch and is not back yet, plus I was a few minutes early. I wandered into a nearby shop for a few minutes and then returned to the studio. Still no Loki.

I was curious to see some of my insecurities rise to the surface and feelings of a fear of being rejected or forgotten. My appointment wasn't a priority for him. was the thought that surfaced. I was a bit surprised at my reaction, but realized how vulnerable I felt in taking these lessons. Dancing, for me, is the body expressing art and beauty in motion. It felt very personal.

My Soul Sisters Tracy and Jane, dancing in the Dance Barn at Summerhill Ranch during the Soul Coaching workshop. You go girls!

I wandered down the street and checked into other shops before returning to the studio to find it still locked. Now I was downright irritated. It was hot out and I was sweating and feeling decidedly less enthusiastic and confident. I pulled out my cell phone and was about to leave a message on the studio's voicemail when Loki ran to unlock the door, apologizing profusely about not managing his time better.

"Why are you making me stand out here and sweat?" I tried to say it in a teasing manner, but I think he got that I was not pleased. I gave myself a moment while he turned the lights on and did a little self-talk. You are here to learn and enjoy yourself and you can shift this mood. I felt it lighten a bit as I put on my new dancing shoes. Loki apologized again and said that today's lesson would be free as his apology for being late. I smiled. That certainly helped the shift.

Spotting my new shoes he said, "I am impressed! Buying dancing shoes is a commitment. I know when people are serious about dance when they buy a pair of shoes."

The lesson went very well and I had a lot of fun learning some of the steps of the more common dances with Loki smiling and encouraging me. He has a marvellous way of teaching that helps you understand the thinking behind the moves. I found my self-consciousness disappearing as we moved through the dances and, even when the next student arrived early and sat down to watch, I was undeterred. I can't wait for the next lesson.