A Spark of Life

A Spark of Life
Inside Sequoia Girl


Welcome to A Spark Of Life Transformations. I've created this blog to share some of the spiritual insights and effective methods for purposeful transformation that I've gleaned over the years. Also included are some bits and pieces of my own experiences and musings. I want to know about your experiences as well. What worked for you -- and what didn't. Ask a question. Make a statement. Share your heart. I only ask that you be respectful in your posts. I can't wait to get started!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

An Amazing Past Life

Hello there,

Part of the certification training I received at Denise Linn's Summerhill ranch this spring was for Past Life Regressionist. I come from a fundamentalist background that had no belief in an afterlife or past lives. Basically, when you're dead, you're dead. So, I have had to break through this conditioning to accept and understand what past lives I have experienced and how they have affected me in this life.

At Summerhill we explored some of our past life experiences as we conducted regressions with each other. I had an amazing conclusion to a past life memory that had started at Denise's seminar at last November's Hay House I Can Do It conference in Tampa. I'll tell you more about that in another post. In any event, I have had a few regressions in my life and some spontaneous past life memories.

Recently, Denise Wigent, a very dear friend and fellow lightworker offered a session where she combine her talents as a reiki practitioner with chakra balancing and an archangel meditation by Doreen Virtue. Denise's sessions are always so healing and relaxing and I feel like I've had a full hour massage afterward, so of course, I said yes! 
Denise holding a gardenia from one of my gardenia bushes.

After I laid down on the table, she checked my chakras and started the Doreen Virtue Angel Therapy meditation. In this particular meditation, Doreen gently brings in the Archangels, one at a time, and asks them to conduct healings on your behalf. I found myself paying close attention to some of the archangels messages and drifting off on others. All seemed to flow perfectly as Denise lovingly gave me reiki.

However, in one particular spot in the meditation, Doreen talked about past lives and allowed time to explore a past life. The most amazing vision came to me: I saw myself as a High Priestess in a land, many centuries ago. I was standing on a stage or platform, dressed in a beautiful flowing violet-blue gown, tied at the waist with a braided gold belt and wearing a gold tiara or crown. I was looking out over the sea of my followers.

On the stage next to me were my two children from this life. They were young, about ten and twelve years old and they looked exactly as they had in this life. They were beautiful. I noticed the tremendous love that flowed between myself and my subjects. They looked to me for guidance and wisdom and I loved them deeply and offered what ever I could in return. I wish I could paint this image as it was so beautiful. My followers were dressed in the same blue-violet robes and all were happy and content. It was a very peaceful and beautiful lifetime for me.

While in this vision, I wondered if I had a husband as, after all, I had two children. Suddenly I noticed that, standing behind me were, not one, but seven men who were devoted to me, adored me and loved to serve me. Each of the seven men had particular strengths and talent in each area of one of the chakras and were dressed in the color of their particular chakra. They all smiled as I turned to look at them. It was the most amazing, beautiful experience and tears of joy came to my eyes remembering it.

What I took away from this particular past life experience, was that a big part of my strength and purpose in this life came from that past life, and that knowledge has followed me through each lifetime. I also realized that as I explore and prepare for a new romantic relationship, I am to reflect on and appreciate the strengths of each man I meet, whether they are a potential interest or not. And, more importantly, to allow men to serve me in this lifetime, rather than losing myself in serving them in order to receive security and approval.

What a truly amazing experience. Thank you so much to both of the Denises in my life!

Friday, June 25, 2010


Wednesday was my first full dance instruction. I got all dolled up -- Loki, the instructor is very handsome. :) and even bought a new pair of dancing shoes. I was a bit nervous and self-conscious as I am working on improving confidence in my body. I arrived to the dance studio, clutching my new shoes only to find the door locked and the studio dark! Okay, I thought, he's stepped out for lunch and is not back yet, plus I was a few minutes early. I wandered into a nearby shop for a few minutes and then returned to the studio. Still no Loki.

I was curious to see some of my insecurities rise to the surface and feelings of a fear of being rejected or forgotten. My appointment wasn't a priority for him. was the thought that surfaced. I was a bit surprised at my reaction, but realized how vulnerable I felt in taking these lessons. Dancing, for me, is the body expressing art and beauty in motion. It felt very personal.

My Soul Sisters Tracy and Jane, dancing in the Dance Barn at Summerhill Ranch during the Soul Coaching workshop. You go girls!

I wandered down the street and checked into other shops before returning to the studio to find it still locked. Now I was downright irritated. It was hot out and I was sweating and feeling decidedly less enthusiastic and confident. I pulled out my cell phone and was about to leave a message on the studio's voicemail when Loki ran to unlock the door, apologizing profusely about not managing his time better.

"Why are you making me stand out here and sweat?" I tried to say it in a teasing manner, but I think he got that I was not pleased. I gave myself a moment while he turned the lights on and did a little self-talk. You are here to learn and enjoy yourself and you can shift this mood. I felt it lighten a bit as I put on my new dancing shoes. Loki apologized again and said that today's lesson would be free as his apology for being late. I smiled. That certainly helped the shift.

Spotting my new shoes he said, "I am impressed! Buying dancing shoes is a commitment. I know when people are serious about dance when they buy a pair of shoes."

The lesson went very well and I had a lot of fun learning some of the steps of the more common dances with Loki smiling and encouraging me. He has a marvellous way of teaching that helps you understand the thinking behind the moves. I found my self-consciousness disappearing as we moved through the dances and, even when the next student arrived early and sat down to watch, I was undeterred. I can't wait for the next lesson.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Day 28 Final Day of the Soul Coaching Program & My Quest

"I give love deeply and fully. I receive love deeply and fully. My essence is love." - from the book Soul Coaching by Denise Linn

I have to tell you that the 28 Day Soul Coaching Program was more powerful than I expected. Although I hit a few rough patches and skipped a few days, it didn't seem to matter as I felt I was being propelled toward my changes. I feel lighter, and blessed to have a marvellous circle of Soul Sisters to rely upon. I've taken some brave new personal steps (more about that later) and feel as though I'm on the edge of a new adventure.

One big "aha" for me during this time has been my realization that my experience of happiness if fully in my hands, and that I must decide when and where I want to experience it. I have put my own happiness off for a variety of reasons: I have to get my work done first. (Ha! Like that ever happens.) I have to work through or "process" this problem first. Other people's needs are what is important now, not my own. I am being selfish. I need someone to share it with. blah, blah, blah...

Last week I took advantage of a coupon someone gave me for a introductory dance lesson. My instructor was a beautiful and talented man named Loki. He was patient, had a marvellous sense of humor and I felt like he could look into my soul. Our lesson was just for a half hour, but he spotted the drama queen in me and the part that loves being the center of attention. "Have we met?" I asked him. He just smiled and said, "I am very intuitive." Well, I just had to sign up for six one-hour private lessons. Today is my first full lesson!

At one point during the introductory lesson I nearly started crying as I felt my decision to take these lessons was a decision to live in my joy. It was also a decision to listen to my body better, and to trust and allow another to lead -- something I am not accustomed to doing. It is also part of my preparation to make myself available for a totally new relationship. I have a feeling I am in for a wild ride...

This last weekend I went on my Quest. A Quest is a journey you take to ask your soul to reveal what you have learned on your 28 Day Soul Coaching Program. The idea is to go somewhere you can quietly reflect and call on your Soul and guides to reveal whatever it is you need to see.

I decided to combine two adventures into one. I was going to meet my former significant other (and still great friend) as he was travelling on a soul journey of his own. An avid hiker and backpacker, he had decided to hike the entire Florida trail which runs 1100 miles from the Florida Everglades to Pensacola at the far western edge of the state.  He had started out on his journeya few days after I had left for my Soul Coaching training at Denise Linn's Summerhill Ranch in Paso Robles, California.

Last weekend was his fortieth birthday and I wanted to surprise B (as I will call him here) and meet up with him along the trail. He had been diligently planning his trip for weeks and I knew he would be at a particularly favorite camping spot of ours in the Apalachicola National Forest near Tallahassee, Florida.  I packed up a few treats and a fresh change of clothes and set out to backpack into a place we had named "Cali Point". Cali Point has a beautiful story all it's own that I will share with another time.

I had mixed emotions as I hiked back into the woods. We had ended out relationship over a year ago, yet were able to remain friends and stay in close contact with each other. We talked regularly via cell phone over the past few weeks where I received updates on his progress and experiences along the way. Although I planned to arrive at the campsite a few hours earlier than I expected B to arrive, giving myself some time alone there to reflect over the past month, I questioned my choice to combine my Quest with this reunion. Was I avoiding being alone? Was I creating a convenient distraction for myself?

I had had a very vivid dream a few weeks earlier where I was with B and my younger sister. In my dream, they were each going on a separate trip and I knew I would not be seeing them again for a long time, if ever. They both seemed at ease and eager to go on their respective trips, but I was sad that they were leaving and felt that loss quite keenly. I had been planning this trip for weeks, but suddenly I questioned my motives for going. Was I unwilling to let go of this relationship and move on, as I claimed I was ready to do? (Hey, I put it on my Soul Collage!) But, I looked into my heart and felt it was really what I wanted to do. I was so proud of B for making this trip. I admired the determination and stamina it took to do it, plus, I wanted to be there to celebrate his milestone birthday with him.

I thought about this dream again as I neared the campsite. It was hot and humid, as it is in Florida in the summer. I was perspiring profusely, but was not uncomfortable as I made my way through trails and forest roads I had travelled dozens of times. I found myself excited in anticipation of the look of surprise on his face when he saw the camp I had set up for his arrival.

Cali Point is an elevated peninsula between the Sopchoppy River and Monkey Creek. Live oak, cypress and cedar trees line the river banks, along with long leaf pines. They form a beautiful canopy of shade over the spot where I would pitch my tent. I set up the tent and then strung up my new hammock, complete with enclosed screen and climbed inside. I looked up through the trees to the blue sky, took a few deep breaths and asked my guides to come to me with any messages or symbols I needed. The wind whispered softly through the  pines and the creek gurgled in the background. Even the buzzing of the pesky yellow flies seemed music to my meditation.

I found myself keeping one eye out for B coming up the trail, afraid he would see the tent, presume someone else had taken his spot, and back away to find somewhere else to camp. I started giving myself grief about not being able to go deeply into meditation and receive a profound message. Instead, I decided to just be grateful for the experience of being there. Once I made that choice, I soon expereicned a wave of gratitude flood over me for everything B and I had experienced together. I was especially grateful that we had been able to maintain the best parts of our relationship. We share a deep love of nature and respect for the earth. We both love adventure and exploring and learning. We also have the same irreverent, sardonic sense of humor.

Then I realized that this was the message I was supposed to receive: To deeply cherish the blessings of the people I care about and to release the pain in order to experience my joy and happiness. I really felt so very blessed to have known B. He has helped me grow in so many ways.

Suddenly I heard footsteps and looked up to see B walking toward the campsite, slowing as he saw my tent. He stopped for a moment and peered at the hammock. It was a bit difficult to see through the screen, I imagined. Then I saw a huge grin of recognition spread across his face.

"I'm sorry, you can't camp here mister," I said with a grin, then shouted, "Happy Birthday!"

He laughed. " This is the best birthday present ever!"

I climbed out of the hammock and walked toward him. I was shocked and delighted to find that he had lost what looked like forty pounds since the last time I'd seen him. I gave him a big hug and told him how great he looked. He said that he had hoped I would surprise him on his birthday, but he tried hard not to expect it so he wouldn't be too disappointed if I wasn't there.

I couldn't stop staring at him. He looked absolutely radiant. He smiled all the time and seemed truly at peace. It was so great to see him that way. I felt myself attracted to him all over again. He unloaded his pack and we went down to the river to cool off as he told me more about his trip. He'd seen a yearling bear close up just the previous day who had just stared at him without running away. "You are one with nature now," I teased. "Besides, you probably smelled like one of his clan."

After cleaning up a bit he donned the tee shirt I had gotten for him in Sequoia National Forest, then I took him into a nearby town to pick up a few supplies andwhere we had Mexican at a local restaurant. Back at camp we listened as a thunderstorm circled around us. There is nothing quite like being in a thunderstorm with nothing between you and the fury of the storm but a thin piece of cloth. I sat inside the tent and away from the biting flies as B prepared his pack for the next day. I commented how much more serene he seemed and just how much I had appreciated him being able to keep the good parts of our relationship without hanging on to the bitterness and pain. We talked into the night and he read me a few pages from his journal that he had been keeping before we drifted off to sleep accompanied by the music of the cicadas and crickets. It was really a very lovely experience.

Although we awoke at six o'clock the next morning, we were slow to get going. We finished eating the fresh fruit I had brought along, then packed up camp. I took a few things with me that he no longer needed to make his pack (which averages about 55 pounds) a little lighter. We walked together for about .7 of a mile until the trail separated where he needed to go and where I would go back to my car. I knew he would have liked me to linger with him longer and I was tempted, but one of the lessons I am learning is taking care of myself, and I had made plans with some other friends for later that day.

We said an emotional good bye with more hugs and kisses and then we each walked our separate ways, I looked back now and again until he disappeared into the rows of slash pines.

As I returned to my car, I noticed hundreds of beautiful, huge butterflies, mostly swallowtails flitting along the forest road. Here was my symbol -- it represented transformation!

I look forward to seeing him again in a few weeks when I will bring him more supplies and then will pick him up once he reaches the final trail head. He is a remarkable person and a part of me thinks about trying it again with him. A lot of the issues we both struggled with during our relationship have been healing since we separated. But, a part of me knows we each have our own paths to follow. My goal is to live in the present, so I try not to project into the future too much about what might be. All I know right now is that I am truly grateful to have known him and so glad I included B in my Quest.

Blessings to all.


Friday, June 11, 2010

Days 26 & 27 of the 28-Day Soul Coaching Adventure

Good Morning,

This has not been an easy week for me. Heavy, dark emotions have been rising to the surface and I found myself zoning out on TV and other distractions. I mentioned earlier that I have had bouts of depression, and the truth is I have had them most of my adult life. Usually I either stay busy to keep them at bay or zone out at I earlier described. This week, however, I honestly became quite fed up with the depression and started talking to my stove (yes, my stove) about how I felt about it insinuating itself into my life -- even (and especially!) when things were going well.

I cried and yelled at my stove as I cooked my dinner of green curried vegetables, as the waves of bitterness and disappointment at still having to dealt with this heavy energy that seemed to push against every thing I attempt to do rolled over me. I drank a good glass of home made wild persimmon wine and eyed the cake that had been given to me at work.  I self-medicated for sure, but it was a conscious decision and I tried to go high-quality.

Anger at having to go through the tough time in my life alone surfaced as well. But then I realized I am not alone, but I often chose to deal with things alone because of the shame and regret I feel from judging myself for not having my shit together better. I thought of my dear Soul Sisters and my beautiful experience in California and decided to email them and -- ask for their prayers and support. Novel idea, huh?

Well now, asking for help is not an easy thing for me to do. After all, I want at all times to appear competent, confident, and wise. Yelling at your stove and sobbing into your wine -- even if it is home mad wild persimmon wine, does not scream competent! But, one of the things I put on my Soul Collage was a picture that represented me forging new, healthy relationships with women. So now it was time for me to put up or shut up.

So, I sat down at my computer and poured my heart out to my beautiful sisters as I cried and ate my green curried vegetables and drank my home made wine. Even before I finished writing the email, I felt their love and support surround me like a soft comforter. And their responses lifted me even higher with their tender words of compassion and wisdom. I am truly blessed to have met these women.

Day 26:

"I am at home, no matter where I am." -- from the book Soul Coaching by Denise Linn
One of today's exercises was to bring nature into your home in some way. I have to admit that although I did not read this exercise until the day after, I found that I had already done it. Ever since I got back from California, I have been bringing in cut flowers. Gardenias, hydrangeas, roses, black-eyed susans, sunflowers, lilies. Even when I was feeling the worst of my emotional state, I could look at them and feel a small sense of peace.

Day 27:
"My future is filled with love, joy and peace." -- from the book Soul Coaching by Denise Linn

Today's execise is about envisioning yourself in a future filled with your heart's desires. I have to admit I feel a bit challened by this exercise today with the daily reports of the impending oil slick coming ashore. I took a dive down to the beach and walked out to the shoreline to see if I could find any evidence of tar balls. And, while I found none, I did find the water to be as thick and green as pea soup from algae and seaweed. I don't think I have ever seen the algae that thick.
I sat on the sand for a while and looked out into the ocean and sent out love and healing. But the beach was unusually still and, at first I the only wildlife I saw was a few pigeons and some terns, who have a protected nesting area nearby. I couldn't shake the feeling of death in the air. Eventually, I saw a single osprey circle overhead and dive into the sea, but came it up empty. I watched him circle over the beach and fly back toward the rising sun. I sent him love and protection. A little while later a lone, tattered-looking seagull also flew overhead and down the beach toward the sunrise. I felt a tiny ray of hope from these lonely creatures.

I will check in later with the further results of today's exercise.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

THE BIG PICTURE: The oil spill and our current state of affairs

The Big Picture in all of this mess is that it can be a huge wake up call for all of us. People are understandably upset because their way of life has been changed in a moment -- possibly forever. The fishing ban area is widening daily. Tourism has slowed to a trickle. Businesses that have been going for generations have ground to a halt. Life as we have known it forever will change. But, maybe that's not all a bad thing.

Like the financial market degeneration and the health care system, these enterprises have been infused with fear and fueled by greed. Over the years they have become top heavy and unsustainable. There were opportunities in the past to change the direction of these systems, but greed won out over common sense and integrity. And, I am not just talking about the greed and fear of the financial institutions or health care providers.

As consumers, we are responsible for where our dollars go and with whom we invest our trust. Have we been diligent in asking the probing questions that would reveal the nature and integrity of those in whom we have entrusted our livelihoods and health care? Do we take responsibility for our own health and health care or do we trash our diets or live lifestyles that deplete our bodies and then expect drugs or doctors or hospitals to "cure" us? Do we make conscientious choices about where we spend and invest our hard-earned dollars or do we want the highest return for our dollar and turn a blind eye to how that rate of return has been created?

And now we have the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico -- another unchecked industry fueled by greed. It's deja vu all over again Instead of a demand for alternative fuels that have a reduced impact on the environment, we complained about high gas prices and pushed for expanded oil exploration in some of the planets most vulnerable areas.

Okay, I hear you mumbling -- more negativity about a negative subject. What good does that do? But there is a ray of hope in all of this, really there is. I honestly don't see a repair of the current system, the tipping factor has been reached, and unfortunately, lasting collateral damage is the result. BUT, we now have a tremendous opportunity now for restructuring our economy, our health care and the way we meet our energy needs.

We can take more responsibility by reducing our spending and consumption on items that pollute our water and clog our landfills and generally damage our planet. See the Story of Stuff Drive less, walk more. Eat (real) food. Not too much. Mostly plants. (To paraphrase Michael Pollan) Hug a tree. Get out in nature. Pick up your trash. Learn to plant a garden, maybe even a community garden
GOOD NEWS! When we change our habits the market will adjust to our needs. When we demand integrity and quality, and refuse to settle for less, the market will rise up to our level of integrity. When we band together and join our single voice with the voices of the many, the market will adjust to our demands.

Doubtful about your affect on machinations of giant corporations or your government? Look at what has happened in the food industry over the past few years. When I owned my health food store back in the 1980's, you'd be hard pressed to find many products on the grocery store shelves that were free of hydrogenated fats, MSG or high fructose corn syrup, let alone gluten free. Now you can find a huge selection of these products because consumers stopped buying these products and went elsewhere to shop.

We can and will affect a change. What that change is, will be dependant entirely upon our choices. Reclaim your empowerment. Make your voice heard. Buy less. Recycle and reuse more. Mostly local. Vote with your dollars. Support products, businesses and individuals whose ideals and integrity reflect your own.  

The antidote for greed is the Grace of Reverence. When you treat yourself and your body with sacred reverence, you will have reverence for your family, your community and the earth. It's no coincidence that the most loving thing you can do for this planet just happens to be the most loving thing you can do for yourself.

Many blessings and grace,


Suggested Reading:
Reclaiming Our Democracy by Sam Harris
Defy Gravity by Caroline Myss

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Days 17 - 21 of Fire Week 28-Day Soul Coaching Program

Whew! It's hard to believe it's been over a week since I last posted. There was a lot of sun here in Florida and it's been hot - August hot. Heat indexes have been in the triple digits. I have to constantly remind my self to re-hydrate and to replace my electrolytes. Landscaping has been a challenge and when I get too hot I get cranky! I was a bit disappointed that I did not follow the exercises for each day faithfully, but I remembered Denise said there would be days like this and just to move on to the next day and don't look back.