A Spark of Life

A Spark of Life
Inside Sequoia Girl


Welcome to A Spark Of Life Transformations. I've created this blog to share some of the spiritual insights and effective methods for purposeful transformation that I've gleaned over the years. Also included are some bits and pieces of my own experiences and musings. I want to know about your experiences as well. What worked for you -- and what didn't. Ask a question. Make a statement. Share your heart. I only ask that you be respectful in your posts. I can't wait to get started!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Days 26 & 27 of the 28-Day Soul Coaching Adventure

Good Morning,

This has not been an easy week for me. Heavy, dark emotions have been rising to the surface and I found myself zoning out on TV and other distractions. I mentioned earlier that I have had bouts of depression, and the truth is I have had them most of my adult life. Usually I either stay busy to keep them at bay or zone out at I earlier described. This week, however, I honestly became quite fed up with the depression and started talking to my stove (yes, my stove) about how I felt about it insinuating itself into my life -- even (and especially!) when things were going well.

I cried and yelled at my stove as I cooked my dinner of green curried vegetables, as the waves of bitterness and disappointment at still having to dealt with this heavy energy that seemed to push against every thing I attempt to do rolled over me. I drank a good glass of home made wild persimmon wine and eyed the cake that had been given to me at work.  I self-medicated for sure, but it was a conscious decision and I tried to go high-quality.

Anger at having to go through the tough time in my life alone surfaced as well. But then I realized I am not alone, but I often chose to deal with things alone because of the shame and regret I feel from judging myself for not having my shit together better. I thought of my dear Soul Sisters and my beautiful experience in California and decided to email them and -- ask for their prayers and support. Novel idea, huh?

Well now, asking for help is not an easy thing for me to do. After all, I want at all times to appear competent, confident, and wise. Yelling at your stove and sobbing into your wine -- even if it is home mad wild persimmon wine, does not scream competent! But, one of the things I put on my Soul Collage was a picture that represented me forging new, healthy relationships with women. So now it was time for me to put up or shut up.

So, I sat down at my computer and poured my heart out to my beautiful sisters as I cried and ate my green curried vegetables and drank my home made wine. Even before I finished writing the email, I felt their love and support surround me like a soft comforter. And their responses lifted me even higher with their tender words of compassion and wisdom. I am truly blessed to have met these women.

Day 26:

"I am at home, no matter where I am." -- from the book Soul Coaching by Denise Linn
One of today's exercises was to bring nature into your home in some way. I have to admit that although I did not read this exercise until the day after, I found that I had already done it. Ever since I got back from California, I have been bringing in cut flowers. Gardenias, hydrangeas, roses, black-eyed susans, sunflowers, lilies. Even when I was feeling the worst of my emotional state, I could look at them and feel a small sense of peace.

Day 27:
"My future is filled with love, joy and peace." -- from the book Soul Coaching by Denise Linn

Today's execise is about envisioning yourself in a future filled with your heart's desires. I have to admit I feel a bit challened by this exercise today with the daily reports of the impending oil slick coming ashore. I took a dive down to the beach and walked out to the shoreline to see if I could find any evidence of tar balls. And, while I found none, I did find the water to be as thick and green as pea soup from algae and seaweed. I don't think I have ever seen the algae that thick.
I sat on the sand for a while and looked out into the ocean and sent out love and healing. But the beach was unusually still and, at first I the only wildlife I saw was a few pigeons and some terns, who have a protected nesting area nearby. I couldn't shake the feeling of death in the air. Eventually, I saw a single osprey circle overhead and dive into the sea, but came it up empty. I watched him circle over the beach and fly back toward the rising sun. I sent him love and protection. A little while later a lone, tattered-looking seagull also flew overhead and down the beach toward the sunrise. I felt a tiny ray of hope from these lonely creatures.

I will check in later with the further results of today's exercise.

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