Day 15 - The first day of Fire Week, 28 Day Soul Coaching Program

" I am safe." -- from the book Soul Coaching by Denise Linn

The element Fire represents Spirit and this week I will be cleansing my spiritual life. Today we examine the fears and shining the light on them, we lessen their power over us.

Here is a partial list of fears I find lurking beneath the surface:

Loneliness
Being overwhelmed
Abandonment
Being criticized
Being wrong
Being unloveable
Not being enough
Being undesirable

At the moment loneliness seems to be dominating my consciousness. Normally I enjoy spending time alone. I like moving about my house in the morning, making coffee, catching up on my email and listening to the birds sing outside my door. Lately however, I have been overcome with incredible bouts of loneliness, especially this holiday weekend. I have no family nearby and with Father's Day coming up, I've been missing Dad.

So, my challenge is to name this fear and then imagine the worst-case scenario and then list how I would not only survive, but thrive in it. OK, here goes:

My deepest fear is that I will be alone the rest of my life, without a spiritual and romantic partner to share my life with. No one to laugh and sing goofy songs with. No one whose shoulder I can cry on or give me a hug when I feel down or lost or overwhelmed. No one to share my bed with. No one to cook for. No one who will be there, supporting me and encouraging me, both in my successes and challenges.

Whew! That feels so heavy in the pit of my stomach and I feel a tightness in my chest.

Now, how can I survive and even thrive being alone? Well, I certainly know I can survive being alone. I have a very full life and have interests and a list of projects and ideas to work on that will carry me into the next lifetime. I have dear friends and my sisters (and Soul Sisters!) that I can call on when I need support.  I love and enjoy food and art and nature and beauty and I have people who are ready and willing to join me in the experience. The truth is I am without a romantic partner and I am thriving now.

I used to have a sign posted over my computer that read,
"Anxiety is just frozen fun -- so defrost yourself!"
I think I will make another one and post it today.

Today I racked some home made wine (fire water??) that I had started months ago. I love making wine and when I rack the wine, or siphon it off the sediment or "lees" into a new container, I always get a generous taste to see how it's coming along and today it warmed me nicely. If you come to visit me, I'd be happy to share a bottle with you.

With Grace and Gratitude,

Melody